The Two Gentlemen of Lebowski

For those of you who are fans of "The Dude," drink Caucasians, and knows that a great rug can really tie a room together, Mr. Adam Bertocci has written your perfect version of Shakespeare's Two Gentlemen of Verona.

Titled The Most Excellent Comedie and Tragical Romance of Two Gentlemen of Lebowski this piece takes "inspiration from Mr. William Shakespeare and the Brothers Coen."

Read the full story here, or check out an excerpt below.

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The Carpet Staining Scene


WOO: Rise, and speak wisely, man--but hark; I see thy rug, as woven i'the Orient, A treasure from abroad. I like it not. I'll stain it thus; ever thus to deadbeats.


[He stains the rug]



THE KNAVE: Sir, prithee nay!



BLANCHE: Now thou seest what happens, Lebowski, when the agreements of honourable business stand compromised. If thou wouldst treat money as water, flowing as the gentle rain from heaven, why, then thou knowest water begets water; it will be a watery grave your rug, drowned in the weeping brook. Pray remember, Lebowski.



THE KNAVE: Thou err'st; no man calls me Lebowski. Yet thou art man; neither spirit damned nor wandering shadow, thou art solid flesh, man of woman born. Hear rightly, man!--for thou hast got the wrong man. I am the Knave, man; Knave in nature as in name.



BLANCHE: Thy name is Lebowski.